Accept Reality and Suffer No More

I have weakness. I get hurt. In order to protect myself, I have been working on my resiliency, self-care and self-love, but I still get hurt. It had been a while since I got hurt really bad last time I think. I’ve been doing a great job since then. But, recently, I got hurt. It’s not a major one. It was a little pain. But it still hurt.

I know the pattern. I know why I’m getting hurt. It’s because I cannot accept reality. It’s because I have a false hope. I am wanting something I cannot get. I am being unrealistic.

This is the funny part. In my head, I do understand that I’m wanting something I won’t get. But emotionally, I’m not really understanding it. It means, emotionally, I just cannot let go. Emotionally, I’m so attached to my ideal situation, and I cannot accept reality.

Why can’t I let go? Because I have a fear. If I don’t have the ideal situation, then I feel I will lose something that’s important for me. So when something hurts, I need to look inside to find out what’s hurting. What kind of fear do I have?

So, I looked into my mind and saw what was hurting. What was my fear? Well, it was actually nothing. It could have been a big deal before, but for me now, it’s nothing major. Like this, when I actually face my fear, when I actually take a good look at it, then I find out I might lose something, but it’s usually not a big deal. My fear makes it look the loss bigger than what it is.

After I found out what was going on in me, I just let go. I let go of what I wanted and what I hoped. And I accepted reality. The reality might give you some pain, but if I don’t let go, that will be suffering.

So, this time, I still got hurt, but I want to praise myself. I did a great job. If I was me before, it could have been a lot worse and I could have been feeling miserable and suffering. Compared to that, I’m doing so much better. Yes, it is true that I couldn’t protect myself 100 percent, but still, I did a good job facing it and recovering from it.

This is resiliency. The same lesson will keep coming back until I master it. The most important thing is to turn the pain into learning, be resilient, bounce back, and keep trying!

You did a great job, Tomomi.